Dear PeTA, Thanks for the advice. I couldn’t have killed those animals without you!!
September 1, 2009The other night I was outside smoking a cigarette and I noticed something over by the bedroom window crawling around in and out of things. Well this is Florida so I figured it was just a lizard or frog or whatever. A few days passed by without incident, then I saw it. A fucking rat/mouse whatever, darted out from nowhere. I was filled with disgust. How could this be? My place is clean, the kind of clean that Adderall makes you obsess about. All I knew was this fucker had to die.
I went out and bought mouse traps, feeling completely ashamed, hoping that the cashier would think I was using them for a prank or science project. I put them out but all that would happen was the trap would go off little bastard would run away after eating the peanut butter. This was not acceptable. Those are the same fucking things that caused the plague and I’m sure as hell dying from that. This must be dealt with swiftly and with a fist made of so much iron that all of nature would fear me. But what to do? How do you torture a rat or make them die the worst, most painful death possible? Furthermore, can you even send the message of a brutal dictator to a rodent?
The next few days, I tried traps, poison, I even constructed a gas chamber that knocked a cup of bleach into a cup of ammonia and trapped the fucking thing but I got nothing. Then it came to me, “I should ask PETA the most humane way to deal with this.” I emailed them around 5pm and was shocked at the turn around time. I mean like in two minutes they were begging me to use a live trap and set it free in the wild. What came next is exactly what I wanted and why I emailed them in the first place. (I’m shady and amazing at tricking people like that.) “Whatever you do, don’t feed them anything that is carbonated!! Rats don’t have the ability to burp and their insides will burst” I rushed out immediately and bought Pop-Rocks, Alka Seltzer and soda candy. That night I mixed all that stuff together with some peanut butter and some tiny pieces of broken glass for good measure. The next morning I found three dead bloody rats and haven’t seen another one since.
Thank you PETA!!! I couldn’t have killed them without you!!
Wow…your a fucking asshole….nice work 🙂
by Laura September 1, 2009 at 6:51 amyou’re
by fuktherat September 1, 2009 at 7:10 amThank you for the “you’re”.. I’m getting so sick of people who can’t spell.
…And that was an awesome story! My two favorite parts of the story:
“I even constructed a gas chamber that knocked a cup of bleach into a cup of ammonia and trapped the fucking thing but I got nothing.”
“I rushed out immediately and bought Pop-Rocks, Alka Seltzer and soda candy. That night I mixed all that stuff together with some peanut butter and some tiny pieces of broken glass for good measure.”
ROFL.. Thanks for the laugh!
by Shellien September 1, 2009 at 7:47 amYore
by Juan Valdez September 1, 2009 at 8:22 amfake, rats burp and do not explode via carbonation
by john September 1, 2009 at 8:49 amIt’s not fake, you moron. Try doing some research. I own a pet rat, they can’t burp and they can’t vomit, either.
by Wrong September 1, 2009 at 12:57 pmI wish I knew who you are in real life! This is an awesome story and I would laugh with you and then buy you a beer as you tell the story to the barkeep.
I once lived in a house that had a raccoon tearing though it every night. I daydreamed about all kinds of nasty ways to end it’s life. I like your gas chamber btw. I never thought of that but I must say it is an interesting way to off something!
by awesome September 1, 2009 at 7:17 amI think your a terrible person. Live in peace with nature. They haven’t hurt you in any way. Your other blogs aren’t funny either, you shouldn’t habour so much hate
by Sara September 1, 2009 at 7:18 amSara,
Rats carry parasites that can be deadly to humans, so when you say they haven’t hurt you, you sound ignorant.
Rats have been the scourge of humanity for as long as we have written history.
They may be fine outside in fields, but around humans, they leave their filth everywhere, and carry disease and death carrying lice.
Try to learn a little from the historical plagues so you don’t come across as someone without an education.
by Richard September 1, 2009 at 10:42 amRichard,
Humans carry parasites that can be deadly to humans, so when you say they haven’t hurt you, you sound ignorant.
Humans have been the scourge of humanity for as long as we have written history.
They may be fine outside in fields, but around humans, they leave their filth everywhere, and carry disease and death carrying lice.
Try to learn a little from the historical plagues so you don’t come across as someone without an education.
by lol September 1, 2009 at 12:47 pmRichard,
I think you will find it is probably you that is in need of education. Not only do you come across as arrogant but ignorant as well. So well done.
by OhMyDear September 1, 2009 at 1:16 pmWhat about that cute little squirrel you throw peanuts too? They carry just as many diseases as rats, that’s why I make sure to hit as many as I can while driving.
by Hate September 1, 2009 at 5:18 pmRichard,
A) Kinda, sorta wrong. http://www.cracked.com/article_17481_5-most-hated-creatures-on-planet-dont-deserve-it.html
B) One needn’t torture an animal to death to remove any real or imagined capacity for spreading disease. That live trap that PETA mentioned? Gets the job done, doesn’t indicate that you’re a potential serial killer. http://www.parliament.nsw.gov.au/prod/PARLMENT/hansart.nsf/V3Key/LC20001011042
by Not Missing Out September 1, 2009 at 6:12 pmPlague facts for those of you who do not read
* Plague is a bacterial disease of rodents that can be spread to humans and other animals by infected fleas.
* Plague has three forms: bubonic plague (infection of the lymph glands), septicemia plague (infection of the blood), and pneumonic plague (infection of the lungs). Pneumonic plague can spread from person to person.
* People can get plague: by the bites of infected fleas; by direct contact with the tissues or body fluids of a plague-infected animal; by inhaling infectious airborne droplets from persons or animals with plague pneumonia; or by laboratory exposure to plague bacteria.
* Plague is treatable with antibiotics if detected early.
* Prevention consists of controlling rodent fleas, educating the public and the medical community in places where plague occurs, and using preventive medicines and vaccines as appropriate.
http://www.dhpe.org/infect/plague.html
by Richard September 2, 2009 at 4:11 amSara is not educated, her spelling sucks as well.
by Koen September 1, 2009 at 4:10 pmyou’re
by pedant September 1, 2009 at 6:56 pmSara,
It is not “I think your a terrible person”, it is “I think you’re a terrible person”. To avoid confusion, just keep it simple and say “I think you are a terrible person”
Hope this helps.
by English Teacher September 1, 2009 at 7:03 pmGENIUS! My boyfriend has a rat problem in his kitchen, I think he is going to try this.
by Dani September 1, 2009 at 7:28 amExcellent advice. Deliver a carbonated payload. It saves you from having to put poison in the house, which is dangerous on so many levels and apparently it does the trick quite nicely. And it’s cheap to boot.
Very good to know.
by Donny September 1, 2009 at 7:54 amthat is the best story i’ve read in a long time. Thank you.
by not from reddit September 1, 2009 at 7:59 amBrilliant bit of applied psychology there. Cheers!
by J September 1, 2009 at 8:04 amCarbonated liquids? Hmm, I’ll have to keep that in mind, in case any little furry bastards invade my apartment.
PeTA comes through again.
by Hydra September 1, 2009 at 8:14 amYou’re
by Fucktherat September 1, 2009 at 8:21 am.
by punctuator September 1, 2009 at 8:32 amThat’s fucking awesome.
by LM September 1, 2009 at 8:33 amYou are awesome. Brilliant. Peta is painfully hypocritical anyway. They slaughter far more animals than they save.
by Biggest Fan September 1, 2009 at 8:38 amyou should skin them to make a hat or fur handkerchief, and when you wear or use it – people will ask where you got it from, you can tell them you killed a wolverine or something, women will be impressed.
by gdude September 1, 2009 at 8:40 amHa ha ha ha.:)
by rohannoronha September 1, 2009 at 8:45 amWow. Thanks for the advise, PeTA. And you! God damn rats. Never knew this tip.
by Ryan September 1, 2009 at 8:48 amAwesome!
by Scott September 1, 2009 at 8:57 amI can’t tell which makes you look like more of an oaf, the fact that you think you can still get the plague, or the fact that you run from a rat when you initially see it and then let pop rocks kill it when you’re not around. You’re quite the douche bag.
by Fuktheoaf September 1, 2009 at 9:01 amhttp://www.health.state.nm.us/epi/plague.html
The plague is still alive and kicking.
by Juan O'day-Juarez September 1, 2009 at 12:00 pmwell played!
by anonopotamus September 1, 2009 at 9:09 amwell played
by anonopotamus September 1, 2009 at 9:10 amGood job man seriously, I’m from South Florida and I’ve seen a few *big* rodents down here. Those things are nothing but trouble, good for you.
by ಠ_ಠ September 1, 2009 at 9:25 amAwesome.
by YouJustWontheInternet September 1, 2009 at 9:26 amVictory is all yours 😀
by xxxsurferdude69 September 1, 2009 at 9:35 amYou kick ass!!!!! Show those fucking rodents whats up!
by Ben September 1, 2009 at 9:50 amWow…thats fracken brilliant…..i hate using traps and poisong….the carbonate thing is just brilliant. thank you and thanks PETA ^_^
by legendary September 1, 2009 at 9:58 amYou’re a douche.
by Joe the Plumber September 1, 2009 at 9:59 amFTW
by FTW September 1, 2009 at 10:01 amwait.. mice…can’t… burp… buy … poprocks.
Ok, all done!
Thank you!!!
P.d
by hell yah! September 1, 2009 at 10:03 amCan you post a sketch of the ammonia/bleach rat trap?
Maybe some blueprints if it ain’t much to ask?
Haha! I love it.
by Mitchell Smith September 1, 2009 at 10:15 amPETA delivers with nice ideas once again…
by Nqkoi September 1, 2009 at 10:44 amNice blog entries, all of them, I totally get the sarcasim of it all. Try finding this on reddit, people are waaay to serious. Keep up the good work. You made my day!!!!!!!!!:)
by Carly September 1, 2009 at 10:47 amWay to go! Front page story on Reddit!
by Masqman September 1, 2009 at 3:31 pm[…] Dear PeTA, Thanks for the advice. I couldn’t have killed those animals without you!! « He can't b… hecantbeserious.wordpress.com/2009/09/01/dear-peta-thanks-for-the-advice-i-couldnt-have-killed-those-animals-without-you – view page – cached #RSS 2.0 He can't be serious? » Dear PeTA, Thanks for the advice. I couldn’t have killed those animals without you!! Comments Feed He can't be serious? So you stumbled upon this? “HEY!!! Do yo know how long it takes for that to decompose?” — From the page […]
by Twitter Trackbacks for Dear PeTA, Thanks for the advice. I couldn’t have killed those animals without you!! « He can't be serious? [hecantbeserious.wordpress.com] on Topsy.com September 1, 2009 at 10:51 amcould’ve bought a cat
by dfds September 1, 2009 at 10:57 amYeah, but then he’d have to find a way to get rid of it.
by FREEST September 1, 2009 at 6:26 pmNoted and remembered for times to come!
by Kris September 1, 2009 at 2:44 pmUrban myth. Rodents have no trouble expelling gas from their stomachs the same way we do.
Cute story, though.
by Some Guy September 1, 2009 at 2:58 pmOnly one problem, rats can burp. I call this as totall fabrication. A work of fiction.
by Tony September 1, 2009 at 2:59 pm[…] This post was Twitted by ziadt […]
by Twitted by ziadt September 1, 2009 at 4:43 pmSeems pretty logical to me dude!
RT
by Jimmym JOnes September 1, 2009 at 4:54 pmmaybe we should stick a bunch of carbonationy stuff in you, with shards of glass for good measure, and stick a cork in so you can’t burp. How’d you like that?
by Fuck You September 1, 2009 at 6:23 pmPeta lost all credibility. electronic cigarettes
by Jill H September 1, 2009 at 6:42 pmLet’s see… bubonic plague is still possible, there is also the hanta virus…
by clvf September 1, 2009 at 7:21 pmScrew PETA, rats and mice are like mosquitoes, kill ’em all!
My now ex-girlfriend had a groundhog living under the shed by her back door and the sucker would like, come out looking for food once in a while. We could’t shoot it as we’re in the city..and we really didn’t have any traps….so I mixed some alka-seltzer with peanut-butter and sat it out. Sadly, it died under the shed and I had to fish it out after it started stinkin up the place….but it helped.
There was some kind of thing involving a bunch of Peta nuts in town..so a bunch of friends and I made signs that said people eating tasty animals and sat in plan view of them and started feasting on burgers, ribs, steaks…it was great.
by Jay September 1, 2009 at 7:59 pm[…] out how this guy uses PETA’s advice on how to humanely rid himself of […]
by Daily Dyson » Blog Archive » Advice From PETA September 1, 2009 at 8:16 pmCool story bro.
by fgdfs September 1, 2009 at 8:26 pmLOL I LOVE IT! I’ve posted quite a few blogs about PETA on my own site and I’ve gotten tons of replies, equally from lovers and haters of PETA. THIS is gold! I’m going to link to it if you don’t mind, just to keep the PETA drones busy at their cult meetings.
by Gibsonav September 1, 2009 at 8:53 pmThen I’m going to get some pop rocks and peanut butter 🙂
And don’t you just love the spelling concerns? LOL
If you ever hurt yourself in an accident, please post pictures. I’ll have my laugh then.
by RatsForTheWin September 1, 2009 at 9:44 pmHaha, broken glass
by aconsumingvoid September 1, 2009 at 10:28 pm[…] PDRTJS_settings_337763_post_19 = { "id" : "337763", "unique_id" : "wp-post-19", "title" : "Dear+PeTA%2C+Thanks+for+the+advice%21+Negative+comments+must+get+a+reply", "item_id" : "_post_19", "permalink" : "http%3A%2F%2Fhecantbeserious.wordpress.com%2F2009%2F09%2F02%2Fdear-peta-thanks-for-the-advice-negative-comments-must-get-a-reply%2F" } Comments in Red Response in Blue Im knot inkluding the coments that conteined the punctation and spelling errars corrections. Those people rilly got they’re shit together. Submitted on 2009/09/01 at 7:18am […]
by Dear PeTA, Thanks for the advice! Negative comments must get a reply « He can't be serious? September 2, 2009 at 5:27 amtotally hilarious, good idea too, all u rat lovers stfu!
by Person September 2, 2009 at 8:27 amand btw Feeding
Rodents can consume about 10 percent of their body weight in food every day. Mice are omnivorous, which means they will eat both plant and animal food. The standard mouse fare is a lab block feed, which you can buy at your local pet store. This kibble is a good source of nutrients and will also wear down your pet’s teeth. You can also give your mouse green leafy vegetables (good sources of vitamins) and some fruit, though the staple of their diets should be some sort of pellet food. Grains are also good food for mice: give them bran, corn, uncooked oatmeal, rice and wheat but do not give them sweetened cereals.
Remember, your mouse is not capable of vomiting or burping, so you must never give him carbonated beverages. Sticky foods, like peanut butter off a spoon, toffees, or fruit candies, can also get your mouse into trouble.
http://www.petplace.com/small-mammals/mouse-care/page1.aspx
by Person September 2, 2009 at 8:32 amWe get seagulls swarming out bait buckets and try to take bites out of our catches all the time when we hit up the cape. we bring a bag of cheetos and some alka seltzers, cut them into 4 peices and stick a peice into about a half a cheeto, they’ll grab em and fly off and just suddenly divebomb the water after they pop and die. FUCK pests and FUCK all you animal loving peta bastards. If an annoying little peice of shit like a rat, or a mouse, or an ant, or bee, or seagull, or w/e is pissing you off it’s fair game. just like a bear or a lion or an elephant or a hippo or w/e would see you as if you were being an annoying little shit running around it. it’s called Natue, not human nature.. if this fucker invades your property, or if no tree hugging faggot is watching you with a walkytalky, do w/e the fuck you want to w/e type of animal fucks with you. one time i had a shrew, or a mole or something running around my walls with a family, SHITTING on my floor while i was gone for the day, being so bold as leaving SHIT in my fucking bed. what’d i do to that fucker? i left a bunch of those sticky box traps (w/e they are) the things meant for bugs i guess, they set foot on the sticky shit and can’t get out, well these rodants in my house were tearing their limbs off to get out, so i was being more vigilant when i heard things scurrying in my house, i caught one of the bastards in the trap trying to rip it’s leg off, quickly ran to the bathtub and tossed it in as it shrieked from the impact, stuck it in a jar, filled it with water almost to the bring and capped it off, he had maybe 5mins of air, tossed the jar near the heating vent that i suspected being one of their ways in, and left it there til it died, then tossed it outside. those fuckers stopped showing up, i was hoping maybe it had babies that were depending on it to bring food back to them and the little bastards dropped dead from starvation. so i say to all you fucking tree huggers, FUCK OFF pests are pests, wether you want to keep them as pets or not, they’re fucking disgusting and you are disgusting for owning one and caring for it.
by paul September 2, 2009 at 4:46 pmFrom the top of the food-chain: I salute you! Well done!!
Rats and Mice who want human food can get it the way anyone else can, by working for it. I got some positions open in our pharmaceutical departement, involving some new drugs.
by PatrickK September 2, 2009 at 6:42 pmThis story is so full of shit
by Jo September 4, 2009 at 9:16 amVery nice site!
by John1571 September 9, 2009 at 7:27 pm